When people first come into kink there are various stages to about understand different things about oneself. It is very easy to understand how it can be easily overwhelming as we are plunged into a smorgasport of things that can be arousing and truely a wild west for the unexplored person. I often think of this as the “Oooh Shiney” syndrome or phase. Eventually it fizzles, or explodes whichever may be appropriate for the situation.
I have seen this time and time again, as I am quite a slut as it pertains to playing with people. This was originally coming from a perspective of a straight white male who was trying to develop a decent reputation as a safe player which is a harder thing to do for us males, but that is a completely different blog to write. So in being a play slut, it has been exceptionally interesting to watch people come in and want to do all the things. It causes this kind of facination and manic excitement gunning to do everything and anything that may be right in front of them. This can lead to a bunch of really fun, awful, dangerous, and confusing situations that new people may fall into which can really make or break a person and their view of the scene.
As this is a really heavy thing to discuss as it leads to all sorts of bad shit. So as I am a dark kind of person Im going to talk about this a different way.
Personally I have done a lot of these, and learned some hard lessons, but instead of going into the shitty situations I have been in, I will take a tack of discussing what not to do.
If you have skipped over that caveat then you can kindly go fuck yourself, and take me seriously. Heres to all the beginners how to better embrace your Beginners Syndrome and really start kinking like an awesome person:
If it feels good, Do it!
You are probably brand new to everything and it honestly looks pretty damn awesome to be really unique. No one is really similar to you, dear friend, and be you a top or a bottom you really can trust everyone in the BDSM community. The best thing about the community is everyone really just wants to get their rocks off and to get yours off too!
People who are forceful are really good Dominants
If you have spent any time being a submissive, bottom, or undecided person on fetlife or a similar kinky BDSM community you have probably met some really awesome dominants. Some of them have probably already owned you. You can really tell because they send you messages like “You’re mine now” and things like that. Thats how you know they are really awesome Dominant people. It takes real solid confidence and mad skills to be able to know when someone is new and to jump in and take them under their wing to save their asses from other people in the community who may make them question their dominants or other peoples protocols that may be “morally wrong” or some other terrible excuse to not follow a Dom’s orders and rules.
If you are a top make sure you try to get a sub before you go to any local events
This is really important. It is especially important for a person to tied down to someone and to stake the claim to your territory. It is easy to point out the single Doms at a community event and these people are really depressing as they often look like the single straight guys at a gay bar going to prey on girls who just want to have fun. Always remember that being alone is not okay. It is a direct reflection of your weakness as a person.
Only play with your dominant
Playing with other people is really disrespectful. There is really no excuse to play with other people as only having one perspective on things is the best way to do it.
For Doms and subs alike, you should collar your submissive as fast as possible.
Collars are a really simple thing that shows you love your other. Don’t worry about all those other silly cunts who think they are a big deal. I mean its really just a piece of leather or string or whatever that makes you look pretty. That’s what is really important. Not that it means more or less than those who don’t wear them. Be sure to get collared by your first Dom or to collar your first sub. That’s really the only way people will know you are serious about being kinky.
There you have it folks!
Enjoy yourself in this wild new world of kinkery. It is really the best place to be and honestly is one of the best places to show off your new skills for being mad dominant or super duper submissive. Its really nothing to take all that seriously. Just go out there and get freaky with anyone and everyone. It should really be a point of pride to dominate others in your day to day.
Now get out there newbies! And as always – Kink Hard.