So I have a fuck saw now.

Honestly one of the best things I have used to date!

Like… Really.

Best purchase ever.

I will be showing you, my lovely readers how to create one on the cheap! If you are completely uninterested in keeping your money you can buy the super classily named “Bang-a-holeFuck saw for the kinkiest of sex fucking kit” – which I read as Bang-a-hoe, because reasons, and it seems to come fully equipped. But for the rest of us people who think there is a better way read on you brave bastard.

First things first. What is a fuck saw? Well you’ve seen it in porn if you know anything about watching good porn. Its essentially a power tool that you attach a fake willy of some variety (read bad dragon) and then jam it in or around a hole or other orifice to properly pulverize the bits that may be at the other end.

I’m going to hold your goddamned hand through the process of how I created one for literally 50 bucks. So you can tell these corporate fuckwads to screw themselves, from me. Or if you are really interested, see how corporate I am.

Okay. So you’ve got the workbench all cleaned up and now you want to create a fuck saw – especially after looking at mine and identifying with poor spoderman. Well here we go. First things first:

Step 1: PUT YOUR MONEY IN YOUR FACE HOLE

So if you want to spend the big bucks on a saw adapter you can buy this shit  but honestly, you don’t need it. There is another way dear friends. Its about half the price, but it doesn’t have the fancy doc-johnson label on it and maaaybe recommended for attaching wire metal brushes to your reciprocating saw but will still do what we need, attach a cock (or tentacle). Get that shit primed to your door here.

So the next thing you will need is a saw to fuck someone with.

Personally I went with the cheapest saw I could find as I didn’t want to do any cutting or anything like that. If you are on a prime spree and want to do that, I found a pretty reasonably priced Skil brand saw that is honestly a damn good buy if you are looking for a fuck saw or an actual saw on a budget.
Reciprocating saw for our newest fuckingsThe one I went with is available at Harbor Freight, your local shitty hardware store. You can also get it online. At the time of this posting it was running for 27.99 and if you get their 20% off coupon then its even cheaper.

While your at harbor freight you can also grab some Plasti dip  or prime it, but this is for the fanciest of you DIY fuckers, like me.

Lastly, youll need a dick. Or tentacle. I just referred to the zon of Ama and got a cheapo

Dildo and fuck saw attachment
Don’t judge my dick man… Its not normally this dirty

Doc Johnson. I know you can find cheaper on the market but the risk of getting things from china with weird plastic is a bad idea. No one likes toxic anything. I found this one for like 14 bucks – I think mine was 10. Whatever. Its the same shit.
The important thing here is to get one with Vac-u-lock connection. Its basically like internal ribbing for connection to our awesome new saw.

I tried to take a picture of it but it honestly just looks like a hole in the bottom so I will not fuck with it.

STEP 2: ASSEMBLY

So you have all the bits!

STICK EM TOGETHER like superglue on a cunt!

First get your saw. Then get the connector bit.

Put it innnnn the hole bit

fuck saw assembling
Just put the bit in the other bit

 

 

Then! Stick the dildo on! – There you have it folks. I bet a five year old could do it. I do not recommend it, but still a possibility.

STEP 3: USES AND ABUSES

One of the best things about this toy is that you can fuck someone with it, use it as an abuser to just pummel the shit out of whatever bits you so desire to use it on, or even as a massive, 9 amp, vibrator.

Also can be coupled with other toys such as a massive vibe or other such things that you can find on fuckingmachines.com.

So go do your research and put your device to good use!

Let me know of any of the delightful uses that you might find as your use is only limited by your imagination and your risk profile.

As always be responsible when you kink hard.

STEP 4: PROFIT

Recommendation – Do not use your home improvement saw

I don’t know what sawdust and shit you may have cut. Not to mention that if there are any mold spores or anything else in that realm in anything that you have cut, chances are it has got into your saw through the magic of motors and air ‘n shit. Don’t risk throwing those into orifices as who knows what that shit could do.

Recommendation – Learn your saw

Reciprocating saws, especially cheap ones are especially hard to control the speed. Its literally a centimeter between no power going to the saw and 2600 rpms. So yeah. Nobody likes labia burns or perforated assholes.

kink toys made for dummies and then man-splained

DONT TAKE UNNECESSARY RISKS – the whole mold thing is honestly not a huge factor but could very well compound the risks that are being taken. Do I need to remind you that you are GOING TO USE A POWERTOOL ON SOMEONE ELSES SENSITIVE BITS?

Hey, I’m not your mommy or daddy, you can do what you want. But it may be a good idea to not compound risks. Either way I am a RACK player and I go hard so there’s my disclaimer blurb.

Now go out there and kink hard, and do so often.

 

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